Some old Jewish humor

If a married Jewish man is walking alone in a park and expresses an opinion without anybody hearing him, is he still wrong?

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My father says, "Marry a girl who has the same belief as the family." I said, "Dad, why would I marry a girl who thinks I'm a schmuck?";

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Jewish Marriage advice: "Don't marry a beautiful person. They may leave you.

Of course, an ugly person may leave you too. But who cares?";

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The Italian says, "I'm tired and thirsty. I must have wine."

The Frenchman says, "I'm tired and thirsty. I must have cognac."

The Russian says, "I'm tired and thirsty. I must have vodka."

The German says, "I'm tired and thirsty. I must have beer."

The Jew says, "I'm tired and thirsty. I must have diabetes."

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Jewish proverb: "A Jewish wife will forgive and forget, but she'll never forget what she forgave."