Massacre Prevention Alert: Ban High Capacity Idiots, Not High Capacity Magazines

By Doug Giles / 20 December 2012 / 45 comments

The composite of Satan’s spawn, Adam Lanza, is starting to unfurl, and unfortunately we are forced to learn more and more about this murderous grunt.

Reports from family friends, relatives and schoolmates describe Adam as, “intelligent, but unloving and anti-social.” By the looks of some of his Manson-like school pics, Stevie Wonder could’ve seen that this toad was channeling some major voodoo.

My question for the deceased Nancy Lanza is, “Why the heck would you teach this demoniac how to shoot? Your kid was seriously jacked up, and your answer was let’s get him into guns?” Whiskey Tango Foxtrot, lady. Eternal hindsight’s 20/20, eh?

Hey, Mrs. Lanza, why didn’t you get your scary child into Nerf balls, or Frisbee Golf or Badmitton? Or if he wanted to remain the loner you should have gotten him into frickin’ Hacky Sack.

Yep, if you weren’t going to discipline that little Damien you should have at least gotten him on medical marijuana—I’m talking the most potent skunk weed known to mankind—and pushed him toward games with soft objects not guns and Call of Duty. Geez, lady … what were you thinking? Oh, and dad … where were you?

Look, if my kid was walking around with goth crap on and a Moe Howard haircut, carrying a black briefcase to class and enjoying pulling the legs off live frogs, I wouldn’t take my little Lee Harvey to the gun range.

No, instead I would try to discipline that smack out of him. I’m talkin’ old school West Texas style. In addition, I would make sure everywhere T-Rex went that he was surrounded by elevator music and paintings of sweet bunny rabbits. And I sure as shizzle wouldn’t have any guns or sharp objects around him.

If this formula of discipline and a relaxed environment didn’t cure him after 16 years then I’d send him to Shady Acres Looney Bin and have them scrape his frontal lobe. But that’s just me.

Mom … dad … if you have a ticking bomb in your house and you own guns, do us all a favor and get a gun safe, have the key surgically implanted into your colon, and only go hunting and shooting when your “special” boy is away from the house at electroshock therapy or having his weekly exorcism. It could save a lot of lives…

Thursday, December 20, 2012